Nicole Nyaba Reflects on Childhood Trauma and Ongoing Mental Health Journey

NICOLE NYABA'S TRUTH

Model and former girlfriend of the late rapper Kiernan “AKA” Forbes, Nicole Nyaba, has shared a deeply personal account of a life shaped by instability, unresolved family wounds, and an ongoing battle with her mental and emotional well-being.

Born in Durban under complicated circumstances, Nyaba says her earliest days were marked by uncertainty.

“My biological mother didn’t have an ID at the time, and my father was living in another township. I was born in town by luck,” she explains.

Although she is a South African citizen and carries her father’s surname, Nyaba grew up moving between the Ndlovu and Nyaba families, as her parents were never married. Belonging to two households, she says, never meant feeling safe or rooted.

“I’m a member of both families, but I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. I took my father’s surname because he did have a hand in my upbringing. But that didn’t mean life was stable.”

Raised mainly in Clermont and Umlazi, Nyaba describes a childhood filled with fear and emotional restraint. “I grew up curious but very afraid. I was always scared of getting myself into trouble, even as a child at home,” she recalls. With time, she began to understand that many of her early experiences were not normal.

“There are things that happened to me that I’m only now realizing were not okay.”

That lack of safety followed her into school and adulthood, affecting her ability to learn and connect with others.

“Learning was always a challenge for me. Not because I wasn’t capable, but because I lacked something fundamental, that sense of safety and grounding,” she says.

Within her extended family, Nyaba asserts her pain was often dismissed or overlooked. “In the Ndlovu family, it was just me and my mother. In the Nyaba family, people went on with life as long as what happened to me didn’t affect them,” she adds.

One of the most painful memories she carries is the death of her uncle, Nkosinathi Emmanuel Ndlovu, whose passing was reported as a suicide. “That loss left too many unanswered questions,” she says. “It affected more than just one person, it affected the entire family.”

By late 2024, Nyaba notes her mental and emotional state worsened significantly. “I’ve been trying to hold myself together since November 2024, because that’s when everything got worse,” she shares, adding that she lives in fear.

“I feel weak at times. I live in fear — fear of my death, fear of what comes after, and fear of being attacked emotionally and mentally.”

She believes years of emotional neglect left her exposed and unprotected. “My mistakes were used against me, even though I didn’t fully understand what was happening to me at the time,” she says.

Her distress became visible to the public in December, when she shared a troubling message on social media describing years of “suffering in silence.” In the post, she appealed for help, saying she felt unsafe and alone.

“Please try not to look at my past and listen to me now,” she wrote, expressing urgency as she felt “running out of time.”

Nyaba believes the response to her message highlighted how little of her story people truly understand. “People see fragments of me and think they know my entire story,” she explains.

Describing her experiences as starting long before her association with high-profile figures, she asserts, “This didn’t start with celebrity or relationships. This started in childhood, in the home, in the silence, in the things that were never addressed.”

Now, as she begins to share her story, Nyaba states her goal is survival, not sympathy. “Staying silent nearly destroyed me,” she admits. “But I’m trying to pick myself up where I can.”

She describes healing as a slow and unpredictable process. “Healing is not linear. Some days I feel strong; other days, I feel like I’m starting from nothing again,” she says, emphasizing the importance of honesty with herself.

As she continues to rebuild, Nyaba’s greatest wish remains simple: peace and understanding. “I just want peace and the chance to live without fear,” she says. “I knew life in South Africa wasn’t easy. I just never knew how much harder it could get.”